Beginning.

it starts with that hot chocolate cup in nanny’s pavilion.
and you walk to me to that very table, and starts to introduce yourself.
like one to have a job interview.
but, in that time of night. really?

you came to me as a spoiled kid, with that oversized maroon sweatshirt, and shorts, and fancy monsterous phone (well, i said it, cause it looks like it on your hands?).
oh, and you smiled.
that untidy set teeth of yours.
puts me into a zone.
i was weirdly fascinated.
and blown. a little. or much. i didn’t even know how to fathom in dimensions.

we share information, as ones who try to know each other.
stiff as we were, but it went beyond what i had expecting.
i didn’t remember anything specific, but those glaring split seconds.
thus seconds made our eyes met and glued like it was south to north side magnet. full of delight and kinda bit flirty. but, we didn’t let each other’s stare go.
night was still young, but a spoiled princess as you were, it is time for you to bed.
so, i ride you home.

your gesture in the backseat of my bike could be interpreted as a little creepy, now that i’m thinking about. yea, it was a bit tad creepy.
but, i liked you in the first place. first glance.
so, i let you do your thing, that is sniffed my neck while i’m riding.
i was afraid that you’ll be freezing in that time of night riding a bike with me.
i could offer you my jacket, but, you know..
i didn’t even want that moment to just slipped away.
but as God knows that, i’ve been known for the holding-the-feelings-type-kinda-guy.
so, i didn’t offer the jacket and just let that slipped.
Jesus takes the wheels kinda act.

but, there was one touch of a hand that i can’t get my self to wipe off when you say goodbye and gave me that kind of flirty-handshake-without-the-shake? (basically, we both just want more physical contacts back then).
those quizzical small hand of yours got my sense the best of me.
and to be honest, the maroon sweater you wore got me envisage the possibilities of sniffing you back all night long.
all of your components in your being that night just got the edge of me.
and for the very first time, i do believe love at the first sight.
but, hey.. it was still too early to imply that.

just like an early morning hummingbird flying through a magical place, with a blue and green basic earth voice there are.
i was mesmerized along on my ride home.
leaving the whole birth-suit my mum grant me when she gave me birth, and let me flowing with the humming sound might lead to.
even though, it was dark, but feeling ain’t make that matter.

i feel like, eaten.
eaten by the sensations of a light-hearted-snow-fluffing-warm-showering-snug, totally oblivious that this thing i was experience is prolly gonna jump me with some twitch, one i’ve been trying to avoid along these years, but it wasn’t. or was not yet.
so for one, i am collided with universe.

as youngster as we were, we texted back and forth, you were the first face i can imagine when i woke up from my bed, and the last one before i fell asleep with my phone in my hand.
we met and shared parts of stories, ideas, life, and all until it’s whole.
we crossed and drowned in the cupid curse line, a very cushioned falling into something we don’t know, something dark yet comforting, something deep yet reachable, something terrifying yet worthy to try to.
i never have ever had the audacity to even cross the line.
but, you gave me one.

you talked about this one particular spirit animal, you always have been invested and a bit obsessed with.
you talked about how a talking-and-living-like-a-person-mice that has a dog as a pet, creating simulation of child’s brain how it is life works in an amazing way.
you talked about how he talks in a high pitch and wise, but not at all losing his fun.
you talked about how he affects your imaginations in life that has vast dimensions.
and you talked how you shared your birthday with him.
you talked about your MiMo, a Mickey Mouse.

a Disney creature you always have as your sleeping companion.
a stuffed animals you talk about everything, even those hormonal stuffs a teenage girl have in their 13.
a trophy of how picturesque your childhood was.
a life that you had.

and i shared my addiction to kick people out, cut people off, and wipe their name fade.
i shared how i struggle life in between mental violence, being neglected and forgotten.
i shared the stories of miles and miles i walk so i can be at one point of place to runaway.
i shared every little part of happiness i had everytime i gave some to ones i dearly loved.
and i shared it to you, first living being known by universe to adequate me.

i like how this made me feels.
i unconsciously put a smile on my face every time a notification popped up in my screen.
i opened my self about everything, every time i heard your voice on the other end of my phone.
i had these tachycardia beats of heart when we’re about to converge.
and everytime our eyes met, time just stops.
i can see everything in this world in halt while i’m exploring the unimagined sensations of your presence next to me.

your hair, your ponytail,
your face, your smile,
your dress, your body,
your genuinity, your being,
your presence.
God, i wish you were mine.

then, come a night i can almost cherish for years since it’s happened.
you wore that cute navy dress with a ponytail, parfume-sprayed all over your body addressed and i guess even the toes as well, you looked and smell extraordinarily fantastic, and impeccable.
you brought me a plate of pasta you claimed you cooked for me. later that i know, it wasn’t. your maid, Ade done that. but, it doesn’t devalued anything in that night.

after the dinner we went to sit under the sky on your balcony, took a sip of red wine you stole from your parents, and talked like it was our get-away-from-reality-a-newly-married-couple would have.
until, the alcohol slowly fused in my blood steam, i double-decker-ed your sitting in that very bean bags of yours, looking into your eyes, and all i see was glimpse of what heavens should looked alike.
under those sky and over the jazz music swung, i saw a glance of comfort, happiness, and lust. a perfect dance of what’s about to happen.
you opened your mouth saying “you can kiss me now” with a smirking flirt.
i land my lips on yours, and something i never thought would ever happened to me ever again just happened with you.

an endorphin-bliss bomb blown in my neurologic system and burnt my brain whole into ashes. my logic didn’t work and snapped into some damp pile of fogs.
my knees were trembling, my stomach tickles, and my blood compiled in one very spot.
i closed my eyes, but i saw everything. your world, my world, merges into one.
new colors were invented in my imaginations, and i can taste them in your tongue that slowly slipped in my mouth.
i finally feel whole. the half part that’s been lost been found. the bent part was fixed. the broken bones were tightly recovered with that hugs from your lips.
it’s weird.

worldly words ain’t describe the actual feelings back then,
like, imagine when you first start to know how to walk, and actually do it.
like, imagine how Neil Armstrong feels when he saw what he saw the moment he stepped in the moon and walk there.
like, Queen Māyā of Sakya first realized that when her son can walk, he makes a dead soil blossoming flowers (only if she lives to see this though).
well, basically my parable idioms are all on the basic term of walk.
guess what, i finally feel like walking on the ground again.
i walked a start of the beginning.